ASP to PHP and Site Tidy and Optimise

Easy job for competent PHP web developer. Copy my site: [login to view URL] 1) change all pages from asp pages to html folders with an index page with php menu. 2) Remove Login functionality: the extra javascript which currently activates if a user is logged in should activate if a user has visited before (simple cookie). 3) Place email sign up form at: [login to view URL] on every page maintaining all functionality of the sign up form. 4) Tidy and comment all code removing all code not used. 5) Optimise the site for speed and for several keywords. 6) upload the new site to an ftp address I will provide then TEST all functionality. 7) when I have OKd the new site upload and test the new site to its original location. 8) all asp pages with pagerank please copy and PLACE A REDIRECT to the new page. IMPORTANT: Please tell me what animal the sites logo is so I know you've read the requirements. Warm regards, Dan